In his Right Mind
by cinithea
Summary: AU The Ascention machine didn't work when they used it the second time to heal Rodney. Slight crossover with SG-1 characters appearing. Spoilers for Tao of Rodney and small ones for some episodes before, slight ones for SG-1 up to season 9, I think.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: First, I'm not a neurologist, doctor or psychiatrist. This is an AU work of fiction. Please remember that when you read. ;) Reviews are welcome, even if it's to point out things you don't like._

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The nurse went through her routine as she had 136 times before. In all those days, nothing had changed. Every single day was the same. Exactly the same. He had no phone (his caregivers were issued a cell phone set to vibrate), no one ever came to the door, there were no interruptions. The man moved when guided, but initiated nothing. He didn't so much as cough. The total silence was creepy, in her opinion. No music, no background noise. Nothing. Just the sound of a nearly empty house, the clock ticking and whatever the weather outside chose to contribute.

And the routine was never to vary. She came at the same time, fed him, washed him, and doled out medications at the exact same time every day. The only difference from day to day at this job was the date she filled out on his chart. Day 137 was going to be the day that changed that.

She was getting his dinner when her phone rang. She nearly had a heart attack. Why was it set to ring? It should have been on vibrate. As it was, she nearly dropped his tomato soup in her haste to answer it, splattering them both. The man had looked at the soup with suddenly burning blue eyes and said, "Oh my god."

She ran to her purse in the foyer. She worried that the man would be upset by this change in routine. That he would become violent as the doctors warned her he could be. She had to turn the damn thing off! It stopped ringing before she managed to dig it from her purse, however- her voice mail had already picked up the call. She cautiously entered the kitchen and stared in shock.

The man had taken the pen from his chart on the table and begun scratching what at first glance looked like scribbles all over the walls. No, not scribbles, she recognized some of the writing from her one (failed) college semester of calculus. The rest? Well, she'd never seen them before.

She wondered if she should call someone. But who? Her boss? The man's emergency contact? Emergency services? No, she'd call Dr. Beckett. The drunken jerk. She backed out of the room and called his office.

"Dr. Beckett, this is Lindsey, you know, I'm the day nurse for Mr. McKay? Yes. Well, no." She let him ramble on. "OK, here's the thing. He's writing all over the walls, I think it's math but I have no idea. Anyway, I was wondering... Yeah, the phone rang... No, he said, 'Oh my God', I went to answer it, and then when I came back in, there he was."

"Thank you." There was a niggling worry in the back of her mind. Dr. Beckett had never sounded so urgent, and he was already on his way. She'd known her patient was important. All his medical bills and her own not so small fees were paid by the American government. She'd seen his paperwork, so she also knew that several other countries paid various expenses, including his very expensive security system.

She'd also seen him when washing him. Scars marked him. Some small, like the small ones on his forehead, some disturbing, some that contrasted terribly with his status as scientist. She'd seen bullet holes before, and the man had several, along with various thin silvery lines, just like a knife would make. Whatever he'd done for the government had been dangerous.

When she'd taken the job, there had been a stack of papers for her to sign. They included papers stating that if he began to speak, she'd not repeat anything he said. Ever. To anyone. The penalty for doing so was to be charged with treason- by two different countries. Serious stuff.

She sat at the chair in the foyer (where she had a clear view of her patient) and waited until she heard the car pull up into the driveway. Not for the first time, she wondered at the story behind these two men. Dr. Beckett only had about a dozen patients, one of whom was M. Rodney McKay.

Dr. Beckett took the stairs two at a time, and- her eyes widened- he looked sober. Her heart began to race. Whatever was happening with her charge, it was big. As the physician ran past her, she smelled coffee.

"Did he say anything other than what you told me?" The doctor didn't look at her as he entered the kitchen.

"No, he just said it and started writing on the walls." She looked at both men, seeing for the first time that they appeared to be around the same age. She'd always seen Dr. Beckett as being older, not just because he referred to Mr. McKay as 'lad' but also because of the worn look in his eyes, as if life had been very hard on the doctor.

Of her charge, she knew almost nothing more than his medical history and that he was a scientist. He had broken completely with reality. He didn't interact with anyone. It would be a terrible way to live, she thought, trapped in your own mind. The caregiver who was here nights said he had terrible nightmares- the kind of nightmares that scared people who were awake. She had told Lindsey that the poor man spent hours at night screaming. Hours. That was one of the reasons his bedroom had been lined with soundproofing materials, and why he lived so far out in the middle of nowhere. Once, Lindsey'd asked why they couldn't give him something, a sedative or tranquilizer of some sort, and she was told that they had tried once. Dr. McKay had nearly died.

"Rodney, can you hear me?" Dr. Beckett was using a voice she'd never heard from him. It was almost...tender.

"I tried, I really did. It came to me, right as I died. The fix. Work, I have to work. But it didn't work. I'm broken. I have to show Carson." Rodney scribbled furiously. "I tried to show him, but he got it wrong, wrong, wrong. You forgot something, now we have to fix it."

"Rodney, lad, calm down. If you tell me what you wanted to show me, I can help you." Carson laid a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"NO! I need to finish this, finish this, uh, um, before I go away again." Rodney slammed his hand into the wall. "I need Radek to look. Oh, Carson, it's you! He can see it, I know he can. I can't find it, but he can. Czech bastard."

"Dear God." Dr. Beckett whispered. "Tell me what Radek has to find."

"Radek will see it. Oh, no, no, no. I have to show him. Don't let me go away, Carson. Please!" Rodney turned his face towards Carson. His voice became urgent. "Make Radek look here. Make him see it. God, I don't want to go. Carson!"

Almost as if a switch had been flipped, he stopped moving and became blank and robotic. Lindsey took Mr. McKay's hand and led him to his chair. She went to the sink and wet a dishrag. Just as she was about to wipe some of the ink from the walls, her hand was gripped in a vice of iron.

"Do not touch it!" Dr. Beckett's voice was as cold as ice. "No' until I say. Do ye understand me?"

Lindsey nodded, and rubbed her wrist when the physician let go. He blew out a gust of air. "I need a minute. Just finish feeding him. We don't want him skipping a meal."

She finished her task, her mind wandering. Her eyes swept the long, seemingly impossible equations on the walls. The way Mr. McKay had seemed to know Dr. Carson. The one sentence, "It came to me, right as I died." Had it been a terrible accident that caused the brain damage to the man? One thing was for sure, she doubted she'd ever know who Dr. M. Rodney McKay really was.


	2. Chapter 2

Carson dialed a phone number he'd known by heart for two years now. "Colonel Samantha Carter, please. This is Carson Beckett." He waited while he was transferred. Thank God she wasn't off-world.

"Carter."

"Thank God! Colonel Carter, Rodney was awake for a bit. I don't understand it, but he wrote walls full of math. He said Radek had to see it, to find it. Whatever went wrong, I mean. He said that."

"Calm down. You said he was speaking?" Sam's voice held disbelief.

"Aye, he knew who I was, as well." Carson swallowed, torn between elation and anxiety. "He knew what had happened. He remembered almost dying. He said- he said that I- we got it wrong."

"He remembered? Tell me exactly what happened." She was calm and firm. "Don't leave anything out."

He did. He told her about Rodney's sudden wakening, his writing, his talking. It was difficult, but he knew that if anyone could understand what Rodney had written, it would be Samantha Carter and Radek Zelenka.

"I'll have Radek recalled to Earth as soon as possible. Meanwhile, I'll be there in, uh, five hours."

Carson hung up the telephone and buried his face in his hands. How had Rodney been there for those few precious minutes? God, were they so wrong? Had he really known what happened? The data from all the scans they did showed such low levels of brain function that they'd really, truly believed he wasn't there anymore. How had he missed this?

Carson went back inside to find the girl, Lindsey wiping Rodney's hands and face. She looked up at him with a sympathetic smile. "He's back to normal now, Dr. Beckett. I'll have him cleaned up and in fresh clothes in no time."

And this made Carson so bloody angry that for a minute he wanted to hit her. Back to normal? This was _not_ Rodney McKay at all. This was an imitation, a shadow. "Get out. I'll take care of him for the rest of the day."

"Uh, are you sure... I mean with the change in the routine and all?" Lindsey sounded uncertain.

"Do ye or do ye nae work for me? Then git yer arse out o' here!" His accent thickened. He was full of emotion, torturous and twisting. He steadied himself. "I'll call you if you need to come back. You'll get paid until we place you with another patient."

He watched as she carefully filled out Rodney's chart. She gathered her belongings and slowly walked to the door. With a last look around, she was gone, leaving him alone with not-Rodney.

"What the hell are we going to do with you? What did we do to you?" Carson couldn't wait until Samantha Carter arrived.

0000000000000

Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard watched Radek Zelenka disappear into the event horizon with hooded eyes. No one knew how much he wanted to go. Well, maybe Ronon did. Or Teyla. But he didn't think anyone else would know.

When Elizabeth had told them about McKay this morning, he had actually felt himself turn white. Rodney had been speaking, no, not just speaking, but talking directly to Carson. It had made something inside of him break, something he'd though had healed long ago. Well, scabbed over maybe.

Radek hadn't even packed. He'd simply grabbed a laptop and run from the labs to the gateroom. He told Elizabeth to assign a temporary replacement as Chief Science Officer and to make sure to cancel his meetings.

The rest of them sat in the conference room. They didn't really have much to officially discuss, but the news was so important that they wanted, needed to talk about it.

Ronon got that intense look he wore when he was thinking. John noticed he rolled his shoulders a few times, probably remembering the scars McKay had healed. He only asked one question, "When do we get to see him?" No one liked the answer, "Not anytime soon."

Teyla suggested bringing Rodney home, to Atlantis. She'd been against them sending him to Earth in the first place. He knew this was going to be a repeat of the same argument they'd had many times before. He was right.

Elizabeth shook her head. "No. Until Rodney can at least function well enough to take care of himself, he can't be here. He would be completely vulnerable in any attack or crisis. We don't have the facilities to care for a person like Rodney, nor can we spare the manpower. The level of care he needs is more than we can provide."

"Perhaps, then, since Rodney is such a burden to your people, he would be better off living with my own. They would welcome him with open arms, even if they had to care for him as one would care for a small child." Teyla's voice was rather cold, John thought. "After all he has done for the Athosians, for the people of our galaxy, we love him. Surely it is better that he be among people who love him." _Rather than people who don't and see him as an inconvenience_, was the unfinished thought.

John rolled his lips. This was getting a little more heated than the usual 'We should bring Rodney home' discussion. He wasn't sure that if he said anything it wouldn't make it worse.

"Teyla, it isn't that we don't care for Rodney, but someone like him doesn't belong in Atlantis." They all stared at the head of the Atlantis expedition. She held her hands in front of her body. "You all know that we can't take care of him. This galaxy is too dangerous to let him come. The city itself is dangerous to him! He doesn't even know that he must eat!" Her voice betrayed her own frustration and regrets.

"So?" When Ronon growled like that, it wasn't good. "People born here like that, too. You think they shouldn't be here either? Where should they go? Earth?"

John made a silent 'O' with his lips. Elizabeth had walked into this one. Only Teyla and John knew that Ronon's younger brother had been born with brain damage. It was a sore spot with him that when they'd been evacuating Sateda his brother had been rejected-and killed- for just that reason.

"No, Ronon. I'm just saying that he would be in danger all the time, not just from the Wraith, this city, or the Replicators, but from himself."

"I'll take him." All eyes swiveled to Ronon. "I can keep him safe. We'll go to the mainland.. You don't want him? I do. I don't forget my friends."

"We have not forgotten-" Elizabeth started.

"Yes, you did!" John turned to Teyla. Boy, she was ticked. "You have all forgotten what he's done for you, for all of us. You used him. You took the knowledge he gave you and created a way to defend against the Replicators, so that all who come to this planet have a chance at survival. Will you turn away those seeking sanctuary if they are not whole?"

"This is not the same! Rodney wasn't born in the Pegasus galaxy! He was born on Earth." Elizabeth raised her brow. "I think we need to end this conversation."

"I do not wish to 'end the conversation'. I think I deserve to know why you feel we cannot care for him as easily as the people of Earth! We"- she swept her hand to indicate Ronon, John and herself- "are as close as his family. And Rodney may not have been born in this galaxy, but he is as much of this place as we are."

Yeah, John thought, Teyla wasn't just mad, she was offended. He hadn't seen her at odds with Weir since Bates had thought the Athosians were Wraith spies. And that wasn't half as bad as this seemed to be.

"It isn't that. But Earth has technology-"

"That has done nothing for him!" Teyla interrupted her again. "There is no progress, no improvement. And he is not with his family or friends there. His sister could not take him in, so he is alone but for hired companions!"

"Teyla, whether or not I agree, it isn't a decision I can make." Elizabeth sighed.

John felt his mouth open, "Then ask Jeannie. She's the one who can make the decision." Ah, hell. Now he'd done it.

Elizabeth turned her glare to him. "John, you don't believe this is even worth considering, do you?"

"Actually, I kinda do. Just listen. Teyla's right. Earth's whole medical profession couldn't do anything for him. He's been there for almost a year, Elizabeth. Now, I'm not a doctor or anything, but that seems like a long time to me. Maybe, I don't know, he deserves to at least be with people who care about him."

"He doesn't even know where he is!" Elizabeth took a deep breath. "Let's just see what Radek and Carson have to say before we start arguing about something that can't happen."


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks for the reviews. Hopefully, I can keep this interesting for you all. _

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Radek cursed as he sat behind the driver. The SGC had spared no expense in his travel from the mountain to this middle of nowhere estate. A private jet had taken him to a small airport in Montana. From there, he rode in a very comfortable car driven by a US Air Force major. He waited for the gate to open at the entrance to the estate..

He understood the security concerns. Rodney had so much knowledge in his head that he was actually considered a valuable asset- or a dangerous time bomb- by almost all the countries involved in the Stargate Program. If they only could access that mind, they would learn things more advanced than they could even dream of. Still, he was irritated by the delay all that security caused.

He started reviewing the notes from when Rodney was affected by the Ascension machine, his medical records, his brain scans. He could not see a single thing that seemed wrong. Of course, he wasn't the one who'd nearly ascended, and he wasn't too proud to admit to the fact that Rodney often saw things he didn't.

As the driver pulled up to the house, he wasn't surprised to see several cars parked there already. He knew Samantha Carter was here, Carson Beckett and probably Doctor Lam from the SGC. He was surprised to see a large pickup truck. Ah, General O'Neil was here. He wasn't sure why, unless it was to ensure security. Or to make sure that his former team members didn't get into any trouble.

Radek barely made it to the porch when the door was flung open by a harried looking Samantha Carter. He nearly took a few steps back as she reached to shake his hand. "Dr. Zelenka! I'm so glad to see you again!"

"Yes, it is good to see you, as well."

"I'm sorry you won't have much time to settle in, but... We need all the help we can get. Daniel can't keep up with the translations, and I'm really not sure I understand any of the math McKay's writing. And now his brain is beginning to deteriorate. Very slowly, but we could see it on the scans." Colonel Carter's voice dropped. "Our time is shorter than we anticipated because of it. We figure he has about three months."

This was terrible news. Three months and any hope for his friend is gone. He liked to focus on his dislike for his position- all the responsibility and paperwork was a burden he hadn't ever wanted. Aside from that, Rodney was one of the few people who could make Radek believe the impossible. As long as there had been hope, as long as there was a possibility they would find something to help the Canadian, Radek could force himself to function as though he was merely a place-holder for Rodney. He was determined to do everything he could to put things the way they were supposed to be."

Carter took his arm and led him into the house. "We're so out of our depth here, it isn't even funny. We've never even seen some of the math he's using. Even the Asgard aren't sure what he's working on."

Radek took a moment to savor the obvious frustration the woman was feeling. It was small of him, perhaps, but he couldn't help but recall the times the SGC had made it clear that Atlantis was a secondary concern, not quite as important as the SGC. The times they had, unthinkingly, perhaps, waved off the accomplishments of the scientists on Atlantis. "Show me where he is and what he's done."

Daniel Jackson was the first person he encountered inside the building. He stood, coffee in hand, staring at the walls. Radek didn't blame him. He stared, too. They were covered with words in Ancient, lines of equations. He exchanged greetings with the distracted linguist. As he followed Colonel Carter into the kitchen, he was aware of the relieved looks cast his way. He'd learned to hate those looks, hate the very idea that everyone had expected him to do what Rodney did. To essentially replace him. He was not Rodney, he was Radek.

He nodded to Doctor Lam who was seated at the table in the kitchen going over files. She sent him a short nod and a small smile. He didn't know her well enough to go beyond that. His eyes sought Rodney.

He stopped short. The last time Radek had seen Rodney McKay, he'd been like a mannequin. He had not had a spark of autonomy. Now, the man was frantically writing on the counter tops. He vaguely wondered why there was no paper, then remembered that Rodney was most comfortable writing on white boards. And there was too much information here to be contained by white boards.

Carson spotted him and hurried over. "Oh thank god! I've been going out of ma bloody mind!" He went on to detail how much he blamed himself.

Radek listened with half an ear until he grew impatient. "Yes, yes. What exactly snapped him back to reality?"

"Pain. The first time, he'd been splashed with hot soup. The second time was when I accidentally missed his vein taking a blood sample and poked a wee hole in his elbow." He motioned towards the newly awakened scientist. "Now he inflicts pain whenever he feels like he's leaving. You can see the various bandages and bruises."

"So he has to feel pain to be aware of everything? That sounds... remarkable! Yes, that would be the one stimulus that we didn't attempt! We should have thought of that." Radek was regretful over his oversight, but at that moment, his former boss noticed him.

"Radek! It's about time! I need to make you understand." His hands waved wildly, and he said a few sentences in Ancient (since when did Rodney speak Ancient?) and shook his head. "It was wrong, well, incomplete. I didn't, Carson didn't. Now we have to go back. Start over. I have to finish. I need to tell you. See? Here? Read this."

The Czech felt his eyebrows climb. He pushed his glasses up and rested his finger on his lips. He had to think over what Rodney said. "Are you saying that there was something else we were supposed to do?"

"Yes, yeah, uh. Bunch of morons. Even Carter doesn't understand. And I need you. And Carson. And, and we have to go back to Atlantis. Yes, Atlantis can fix me. I need to go. There. Where's my laptop?" Then his eyes grew wide. He started yelling something at Radek in Ancient, and pointing. He saw General O'Neill and Daniel Jackson rush into the room.

Daniel frowned, and O'Neill just cocked his head and looked at Daniel. After a minute, Daniel carefully responded, and Rodney calmed. He looked at the others. "McKay says all this work needs to go with him to Atlantis. He needs the chair."

"Aw, you know he can't go back there." Jack was shaking his head.

"Jack." Daniel stared at him steadily.

"And neither are you."

"But this could be the only way of helping him, and-"

"Daniel, no."

"Uh, sir?" Colonel Carter stepped between them. "I actually think Daniel's right. Now that Radek is here, we can- maybe- determine the sequence of the math and figure out what he thinks we have to do."

Rodney snorted. "I have to do it. In Atlantis. Idiots. But need you to help. Yes, that's what I'm saying. Won't hear that again. Uh, Radek. Carson. We need to go. To Atlantis." He shuddered. "No, no, not yet." Radek watched with horrified eyes as Rodney clawed the length of his forearm with his other hand. He felt his face blanch at the rivulets of blood seeping from his friends arm. The man was insane.

Carson made a noise. "Stop doing that. I told ye I could do something safer- certainly more sanitary- than this sort o' thing." He started cleaning the gouges.

"No, too fast now. I don't have time. We need the machine. The chair. We need Atlantis." Rodney grimaced as Carson poured an antiseptic over his arm. He started panting.

"You need to let me bandage this!" Carson kept a firm grip on Rodney's arm.

"Radek, the chair, and um, the machine. Yes, that's it. Oh, I know how to charge ZedPM's, yes." The Canadian was trembling.

"Rodney, we don't know what you need. Answer yes or no." Radek stood eye to eye with him. "Do you know how to fix your mind?"

"Yes, yes."

"Do you have to go to Atlantis?"

"I said that didn't I? Pay attention."

"What you've written, this is what we must do?" Radek hoped so. This was even crazier than vampires in Pegasus.

"It's not enough! It's too fast! No, no, no, no..." And his face blanked.

Radek was disturbed by the sudden lack of Rodney. "Explain, please."

Colonel Carter drew a shaky breath. "Apparently, Rodney's mind didn't fully integrate into his body when you tried to save him from dying. He, well, I guess the easiest way to explain it would be to compare it with astral projection."

"So he has been aware all this time?" Radek pondered this. "He has told you this?"

Daniel nodded. "I think it's almost like being part ascended, but not."

Jack raised his eyebrows. Carson rolled his eyes. "When his body is in pain, he is jerked back. But then he gets pulled back to... where he is now. And it's not lasting as long, probably because of the small lesions on his brain we've begun to see."

"Can he see and hear us? Perhaps we could-" Radek stopped, trying to think of words.

"No. I don't think he can see or hear us. At least not physically. He might be able to, but he obviously can't interact." Carter's mouth turned down. "I think that's why he has such an air of desperation. And he's not always coherent. Imagine of being isolated from human contact for two years."

Radek swallowed. He remembered seeing men come back from being questioned by government officials, barely able to function. They'd been broken shells, scared to be around people, cringing from sound. They'd been kept away from all interaction with their fellow human beings. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to spend nearly two years trapped in dark stillness. "So, he may be psychotic if we get him back?"

Daniel lifted his fingers in front of his face. "No. At least I don't think so. If he's partly Ascended, then he probably, maybe won't actually have that problem. He might be existing on another plane. It's also possible that he can communicate in some small way with other Ascended beings."

Carson stepped in. "We aren't sure, of course, but it seems that his very brief returns to reality, along with the nightmares-"

"Nightmares?" Carter and Radek said together. Daniel leaned forward in interest. Jack just lifted an eyebrow.

"Ah, yes? It's one of the reasons we keep him out so far. He spends most of his nights screaming." He looked at them. "Ah, I'm such a bloody idiot!"

"What?" Lam grabbed a paper and pen. "Tell me all about these nightmares."

"Well, they're not pleasant. He screams until his throat is raw. We can't ever wake him from them. Once or twice we tried giving him something to knock him out, and his heart stopped. We don't know why."

"Wait! Wait!" Daniel began to pace. "If he screams at night, what's the connection to this-" he waved an arm around- "awakening during the day? Is he doing something in his sleep to try and wake himself up?"

"That would mean he's managed to connect to his physical body all this time... No, it shouldn't be possible." Doctor Lam shook her head. "If he's disconnected- or partly ascended- there wouldn't be a way for him to send information to his body."

"Well, that may be so for normal humans..." Carson trailed off.

"I hate to admit it, but Rodney's brilliant, and stubborn. Plus, we know his brain has been subtly altered. It isn't functioning as a normal human brain. His scans clearly show that. It might be possible." Carter looked to Radek to see what he thought.

"Yes." He said slowly, his mind turning over the information. "And the science he's doing here, well, it leads to the conclusion that he knows a great deal more than he did before. And all is more advanced than anything we can understand. So it is possible."

"So why the pain thing? And nightmares." Jack unfurled from the wall he'd been holding up. "I mean, this is McKay. He hates pain. Why not, oh, the smell of coffee?"

"That's it! He responds to pain because it's one of the most basic sensations we can feel." Doctor Lam looked surprised by her own revelation. "It's one of the first stimuli an infant responds to."

"He's using the reptilian part of the brain to tap into the rest!" Daniel muttered.

Jack snickered. "Reptile brain?"

"It's the most primitive part of the brain, believed to control the need to defend or attack, to make displays of dominance and so forth. When he feels pain, that part of his brain would react as though there is a threat, and he must have figured a way to use the chemical changes in the brain as a kind of doorway."

"What about the nightmares?" Radek wondered if that was something different.

"It's possible that he can't make a complete connection without physical pain." Carter looked to Doctor Lam, who nodded. "We know the subconscious directs dreams. He's probably aware of everything happening through his subconscious mind. His conscious mind is the one that detached. So..."

"OK. Start from the beginning for those of us who aren't super smart." Jack frowned.

"Rodney is only connected to his body by his subconscious mind. He can't overcome that aspect of his mind, though, so he essentially becomes trapped in his dreams as his subconscious processes everything.. And that connection is the only thing that allows him to gain control of his body." Caroline shrugged. "It's all he has left."

"Think of it like this: When you're sleeping, and your body senses danger, you wake up. If you smell smoke, or hear a loud noise, your brain makes sure you can react." Carter rubbed her eyes. "It's one way the reptilian brain ensures survival."

"So his physical survival has to be threatened for his conscious mind to be able to come through to the forefront." Carson finished, looking glum.

"Meaning?" Jack asked.

"Meaning, we have to find a way to convince his reptilian brain that he is in immanent physical danger almost constantly." Carson sighed. "And here we have the conflict. Doing so will wake Rodney up, but the body can only take that sort of stress for so long."

Radek thought about it. "I think if he were able to, he'd tell us to do it."


	4. Chapter 4

They managed to get Rodney back three more times, each one shorter than the last. It was hard for all of them to watch Carson cause him pain. Jack decided to leave, saying he had to go back to Washington. Sam and Doctor Lam drove to a motel. So it was only Daniel, Carson and Radek there to listen. They agreed that each would take a turn sitting with him. Daniel was up first.

He had to admit that he wasn't surprised at the changes in the new arrival. Radek Zelenka hadn't been nearly so brusque or so composed the last time they'd met. He'd been rather shy and cheerful when they'd worked together in Antarctica. Now, the man was all business. He supposed the changes were normal, considering that he'd been named Chief Science Officer on Atlantis, and life wasn't exactly easy there. From talking to the man, Daniel also learned that he had faith in Rodney, even as impaired as he seemed. That told Daniel a lot about both men.

The changes in Carson since Dr. McKay had awoken were less pronounced. He'd always been caring, always been friendly and protective of his patients. Now, he seemed ready to crack. One of his best friends had this weird brain thing going on, and he had to constantly cut the man up to keep him here. It was wearing on the physician. He was also rumored to like his drink more than he should, but Daniel didn't think that he was so much physically addicted as using the drinking as a crutch.

Daniel really didn't like Rodney, but even so, listening to the screams and howls all night was disturbing. He felt compassion for the man, even if he had been rude and condescending before. No one should suffer so much.

Daniel learned many things that night. He learned the man dearly loved his place on Atlantis, and the people there. He listened to the ramblings, the hoarse screams, realizing for the first time just how hard it must have been that first year on Atlantis. Rodney had left, not knowing what could come. Even without the other threats, there was danger in Atlantis itself. And none of them had known if they would ever return home. Daniel had lived away from Earth for a year, but he'd been there with his wife.The people who'd gone to Atlantis had gone with much less than that.

Daniel also found it mind boggling that McKay had been chosen- and agreed- to be on the first contact team. He knew what gate teams went through, often not knowing if this was the last time you would see anything you loved ever again. Discovering a creature from your worst nightmares, living through lean times, supply problems, and near death had obviously changed the Canadian. And to top it off, he felt responsible for the safety of an entire expedition.

Daniel wished he could do more than translate Ancient. He tried to remember what he could from his time as an Ascended being, but nothing came to him. All he could compare this to was Anubis, but that wasn't even close to this. He wished he could actually ask one of them for help, but hey, their non-interference policy sucked. And he doubted that anything in Pegasus would help- except for Atlantis itself. He decided to convince Jack to send Rodney there no matter what. It was just the right thing to do.

Screams faded into mumbled words and soft cries. Daniel's natural empathy overcame his reluctance, and he took the man's hand. Rodney was terrified. Wherever he was, he wasn't enjoying it.

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General O'Neill. That's what his brass nameplate said. He couldn't help but snicker sometimes when he saw it. Long ago, one of his superior officers had told him he'd never be more than Major O'Neill. Now he was one of the big shots. He smiled. It had its perks. Jets waiting to fly him where he had to go, cushy office, assistants for cryin out loud.

His smile fell. The trade off, though, didn't sit as well as he'd thought. The buck stops here, as they say, and he was the buck. He was the guy who had to make hard decisions. He stared at the phone on his desk. Daniel had called again, insisting that he allow McKay to go back to Atlantis with Dr. Zelenka- and Dr. Beckett. And Daniel. He grimaced. He'd seen Beckett's file. The man had become nearly reclusive after his mother died. He'd given up all but a few of his patients. He snorted. The man was a doctor, and he self-medicated with the best of them.

This wasn't really all that crazy a situation. He'd seen (and lived through) some pretty bizarre things. On the other hand, they were talking about a genius- and he would never say that to anyone who might repeat it to McKay (or Sam Carter)- with all kinds of classified information. He hated this job.

He rubbed his eyes. Jack knew he'd eventually give in to Daniel. But only because Carter and Lam both agreed with him. Damn. He didn't want both Sam and Daniel gone, either. Pegasus was a hell of a long way to go for someone no one on Earth liked. It wasn't that he didn't trust Daniel, but he still thought of the man as a much younger man- more of a kid. Someone he should look out for. He sighed. So much had happened to him, to them, over the years that though they were still as close as brothers, there were some things they'd really never gotten over. He wondered if McKay was as close to his former team as Jack thought. He kinda knew what Sheppard must feel like. Seriously, Daniel'd died what? Six times? Or was it seven?

It didn't matter. Thinking his scientist was for all intents and purposes gone for good had to have hurt them. Even if said scientist was an ass. Was giving them hope then having it not work even worse? He didn't know.

All he knew was that he trusted Carter and Daniel. Mostly. Damn. Guess he'd better call and tell them to start packing.

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Carson wasn't sure if he should be ecstatic or depressed. He was going back to Atlantis, but he was going back to try one last ditch effort to save his friend. He wasn't getting his old position back, but he didn't really want that responsibility. Truthfully, he didn't think he could handle it again. But it would be wonderful to be there. He had nothing here really, not since his mum had died. But Atlantis had his other family, the one formed through trial and hardship and laughter. He didn't relish the idea of having to patch up his friends and see them through near death, but he missed them terribly.

For Rodney, Carson felt enormous guilt. He had done something wrong when they'd re-calibrated the Ascension machine. He'd missed something or Radek had made an error. He often wondered, sitting by Rodney at night, listening to his screams, if the man would have been better left to go in peace.

He mentally shook himself. No matter, it was already done. Nothing he could do would change the past, but he could change the future of his friend. He had things to do, anyway, and didn't have time to wallow in guilt. He needed to review everything with Radek and Colonel Carter. There were papers he had to file. And he had to speak with Rodney's sister. He dreaded talking to her. He didn't want to give her false hope, but on the other hand, he didn't want her to think they were using Rodney as part of some kind of experiment.

It took surprisingly little convincing for Jeannie Miller to sign all the papers. As she put it, "Mer wouldn't be happy anywhere else, no matter his state of mind. If the SGC would have allowed him to stay, I wouldn't even have made him come back." And she didn't care if he was 'fixed' or not, he belonged in Atlantis more than he ever had on Earth.

Carson had thought her a lovely woman, just as he remembered. From what he understood, she now did some consulting work here and there for the SGC. Still, she'd seemed genuinely concerned for Rodney, or Mer, as she called him.

So now Carson stood and surveyed the two marines stacking crates. The three crates contained Rodney's belongings, medical supplies that they'd need, and everything Rodney had written at his house. The walls had been carefully filmed, photographed and notes on everything had been written and backed up on disks and flash drives. No one was taking a chance that any piece of Rodney's work might be lost. It was their best hope of getting Rodney back.

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Sheppard couldn't contain his nerves. He ran off some of his tension, sparred with Ronon a bit, but still, the days seemed to drag by. Two weeks more until Rodney would be here. He wasn't sure if he wanted to see him, see the blank and lifeless eyes. It was so not his friend. Friend Rodney vibrated with energy. He talked, he moved. The man who'd left Atlantis two years ago had no sense of self, seemed to have no thoughts. And he was still, unless you moved him. It had reminded Sheppard of a marionette, which had really creeped him out.

When two months had passed since Radek had left, the SGC had informed them that Rodney was going to be shipped back to Earth. While Jeannie technically had power of attorney as his next of kin, the SGC had made certain he would not in any way be a threat to them, nor would he be in danger from any other group.

Teyla had wanted to keep Rodney here, while Elizabeth agreed that he would be better off on Earth. It had led to tense arguments and a coolness between them. He understood both sides, but since he wasn't really sure what to do, he'd mostly kept himself out of it.

Ronon had surprised him. No one had known much about his family on Sateda, though a few knew there'd been a woman he had loved deeply. But when the word came that Rodney was leaving, Ronon had been one of those most angered by the decision. He'd been vocal and stubborn in his support of keeping Rodney here. Shortly before they'd sent Rodney to Earth, Sheppard had remarked that he hadn't even thought Ronon was all that fond of McKay.

"Doesn't matter."

"Well, yeah, it kinda does." John had said in the mess. "I mean, why would you want to keep him here if you didn't like him?"

"I just don't think your people can do anything for him that we can't do here." Ronon had slapped his sandwich back onto his tray. "And McKay is- was... fair to me. Didn't treat me different than he did anyone else. Insulted us all. Kinda made it easier to belong. Irritating, but I... like him. And sending him away like this is wrong."

"Ronon, he doesn't even know where he is." John's own food had tasted like dirt. "And he needs someone to be with him all the time."

"After all he's done for everyone here, plenty of people would do it."

"Why is this bothering you so much?"

Ronon had stared at him, and spoke softly. "I had a brother. He was killed because his mind...he was damaged. When I was running, I visited the planet we'd sent some of our people to when the Wraith attacked, and they'd sent him away. Never had a chance. He was killed on the next planet. Just because they thought he was too much bother."

"Geez, Ronon. We are not sending Rodney back because he's a bother. It's so he can get help." But a soft voice in his head had asked if he really believed that. He had wondered if sending a man away from the one place he'd felt he belonged was the same as leaving him behind. It had certainly felt like it. It still did.


	5. Chapter 5

The Daedalus arrived. There was a large group of people, most of whom only knew Rodney by reputation, waiting to handle the crates. Two years had passed, and many people had left Atlantis in that time, with many more arriving. John thought probably half the scientists had been here with Rodney, maybe a third of the military. He spent a minute imagining what kind of impact Rodney would have on the new people. He found it amusing.

Cargo would be unloaded here, but more importantly, Rodney would be here. They had opted to land on one of the piers rather than use the beaming technology. Only a few residents of the city had been allowed to greet the ship. Elizabeth, Teyla, Ronon and John. All other personnel had been barred by John's order. He didn't want people coming to gawk. Rodney was not a form of entertainment.

They watched as first Radek, then Colonel Carter and Doctor Jackson walked towards them. John watched anxiously for Rodney. There he was. Carson was leading him by his arm, but he could see there wasn't anyone home. Teyla drew in a breath and took a step forward, then another. Ronon strode forward. John jerked and hurried after them.

Teyla grabbed Rodney and drew him into the the Athosian greeting, pulling his head gently so their foreheads met. She murmured to the scientist, then embraced him. When she released him, Ronon took his turn.

John wasn't sure what he expected, but the careful way Ronon wrapped his arms around Rodney wasn't it. He looked away when he realized the Satedan had tears in his eyes. That was something he didn't want to see ever again. He tried not to listen, he really did, but...

"Good you're back. It's not right to send family away. I missed you, McKay."

Elizabeth, while wearing her diplomatic calmness, was obviously unsure what to do. She didn't often touch Rodney when he'd been... before the accident. She placed her hand on his shoulder and gave him a simple, "Welcome back."

Then it was John's turn. He wasn't any more clear on what he should do than Elizabeth had been, but he looped an arm around Rodney's shoulder and squeezed. "Hey, buddy, glad you're here." Simple, but he realized it was true. Hard as it was to see Rodney like this, it was better than not knowing anything.

Carson's greetings were open, friendly, but he noticed how nervous and jittery the doctor was. He'd heard rumors (from Radek, of course) that Beckett had a bit of a drinking problem. He thought it might be true. But for now, Carson seemed stable and fine, if a bit hyper. He'd let Kate know to talk to him.

The headed to the labs, Radek rushing ahead already speaking on his radio. They'd cleared an entire lab for Rodney's use, but John didn't know how this was going to work. Or if they would be able to watch him work. They'd been briefed, but the idea of having to cause physical pain to get anything done was just wrong.

Teyla and Ronon had accepted this as something that had to be done. To them, the short term suffering was worth the long term goal: healing Rodney's mind. Elizabeth had been the one to point out that it could be construed as torture. Ronon had growled at her. Teyla countered with, "To Rodney, depriving him of the use of his mind would be the greater torture. Leaving him in this state would be the more devastating cruelty."

That had ended any discussion on that. Carson had suggested they all be present the first time they tried to bring Rodney to the front. He told them that it may help to know that his friends were there for him. He said he was sure Rodney already could feel that he was on Atlantis. Anyone with the gene, natural or artificial, could feel the city to some extent.

As they left the pier, they were stopped short by the strains of music that floated through the hallways. The lights had dimmed, and John could feel the city pulse and hum. The music was some symphony he knew Rodney loved. Was Atlantis welcoming Rodney home?

As Elizabeth raised her hand to her radio, Carson grabbed her hand. "It's the city. She's saying hello."

When she looked at John, he nodded. He could feel it, too.

"This is unexpected." She looked nonplussed. They all were a bit surprised. No one had thought the city sentient. John had. He'd even talked to Rodney about it once, when they were both sampling Radek's beverages. He remembered Rodney asking what it felt like to connect to the city that way. Rodney had said he couldn't feel anything like that. So far as John knew, no one else had ever mentioned feeling that sense of life from the city itself. Only John. And he'd never brought it up again, not after seeing the faintly sad and wistful look on Rodney's face. He wondered if Rodney could feel it now.

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Ronon wasn't sure what everyone else was feeling, but his sharpened sense of other- anything out of the ordinary- was picking up faint vibrations. It reminded him of nothing so much as the vibrations of silent laughter. It wasn't something he felt as a threat, though. It had more of a happy feeling. He hoped Rodney felt the welcome. He saw Sheppard shiver. He knew the Colonel could feel it. Carson tilted his head as if listening.

Ronon wondered if he was the only one who saw Rodney's eyes blink rapidly. No, Teyla's eyes shifted to his quickly. They both saw it. He broke into a smile. Teyla mirrored his expression. He had known this was where McKay belonged.

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The labs were brightly lit and two small crews were already unpacking all of Rodney's work. Ronon and Teyla had volunteered to unpack those few personal belongings and make the Canadian's room comfortable. Radek watched carefully as two scientists secured the large reproductions of equations on the wall. He had hand picked the crews who would be allowed to work alongside Rodney.

Radek himself, of course, would oversee the whole thing, along with Carter. He snorted. Of course the SGC would want to have a member of their military present, especially if the great mind of Rodney McKay were to be saved. They might want to pick his brain a bit, see if he couldn't come up with something more than he already had.

He felt a spurt of anger. Rodney's work had allowed them to create an energy source nearly the equal of a ZPM. It extended the breadth and improved the strength of their shield. Also, he had produced an effective EMP weapon that worked with a nanovirus to defend against the Replicators. They hadn't figured out a way yet to destroy the Replicators on a large scale, but they could defend themselves now, and that made Lantea one of the safest places in Pegasus.

Radek's anger extended from the knowledge that once Rodney was whole again- and he would be- the SGC would yank him back to Earth to use him. They'd use him to find a weapon to defeat the Ori, maybe to end the Trust. They might just keep him for a few years to see what he remembered from the last two years. Hell, he wouldn't put it past them to use Rodney's mind as a political weapon against whomever they liked. Earth wasn't like Atlantis, after all. No, Earth's SGC was all military and politicians.

Well, for himself, he would do anything needed to keep Rodney here. This was his home. And, damn it, he hated being Chief Science Officer. No, best that McKay remain in the Pegusus galaxy. If everyone involved believed that Rodney had no memories of the last two years they'd have no reason to want him back. He had to make sure Rodney and everyone else that needed to know, knew. That didn't include Colonel Carter, Doctor Lam or Daniel Jackson- though Jackson might be persuaded to never tell. Still, better safe than sorry.

Finally everything was done. They were ready. They had made certain Rodney was well-rested, fed and that everything he might need was close. Taking a deep breath, Radek lifted his hand to his comm. "We are ready."

"Understood." Dr. Weir's answer was immediate. She had elected to remain in her office. He thought this was harder on her than anyone realized. Unfortunately, he didn't have time to offer her any comfort.

He looked at those who had been given permission to remain in the labs. His research teams, of course. Colonel Sheppard, Ronon, Teyla were there, along with Colonel Carter, Drs. Beckett and Lam, and Daniel Jackson.

Radek took a deep breath, knowing this was going to be difficult, especially for Rodney's former team. It was time to get to work.

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John flinched when the scalpel drew a thin line in red on Rodney's shoulder. When Carson's trembling hands followed with some sort of paste, he winced. He remembered that paste. It was astringent, causing a burning sensation on the skin when applied. Apparently, the whole pain thing was true. And it couldn't be anything like, say, a paper cut. No, just like Rodney, nothing was done on a small scale.

He kept himself from looking at the scabs and pink lines on his friend's arms. Even though he'd known, even though Carson had told him, John hadn't expected his arms to look as if they'd been pushed through broken glass. He felt a hand on his shoulder. Teyla, smiling her 'Things will work out' smile. He tried to return it.

"Damn it! Give me a pen!" And John felt his eyes widen as the hand tightened on his shoulder. Rodney snapped a few times, then suddenly stopped. His eyes darted around the lab. "I'm on Atlantis? I'm home? Yes, that's right- music! Yes. Thank God!"

John couldn't help himself. He shrugged Teyla's hand away and hesitantly crossed the lab. He was vaguely aware of Ronon behind him. "Hey, Rodney." He felt his face break into a goofy- yes, he knew it was goofy- grin when Rodney looked at him.

"Colonel, I need a pen. Yes, yes, nice to see you, too." Rodney's tone was almost like he remembered it, but his eyes, God! There was such a haunted look in them. It made his own eyes burn. "Um...I don't know how much time until I... But I'm glad I got to see you."

"Us, too." John wasn't sure what else to say, but found he didn't have to say anything. Rodney nodded at him and something changed in his face.

"Yes, fine, ok. Uh," John watched McKay. The sound of his voice was just as he remembered, though maybe only in times of extreme stress, but the hands waving were pure McKay. "Radek, did you bring... Oh, good. No, it's wrong. Wrong. Adjust this one, no, no, no. Carson, tell him. Show him the difference in DNA. It has to be right! Because I'm not right. Have to make me right!"

Nearly an hour later, a long hour where Sheppard had to listen to his friend's incoherent rambling, Rodney was blinking and pulling at his hair. It hurt something inside of John to see it. "No, we aren't done! I have too much to do! Ronon! Hurry, break me! Do something!"

John flinched when, without hesitation, Ronon calmly walked to Rodney, braced one hand in his armpit, and yanked the scientist's arm, effectively dislocating his shoulder. Rodney made a gasping-yelping-screaming noise. Ronon wrapped an arm around the older man, and gently rested his head on Rodney's. "Sorry."

"No, no, no. Good. I should get lots of- ow!- time from this. Radek, don't forget. I have to fix me. No, wait. Carson..." He began babbling in Ancient. John looked around, wondering what the hell Rodney was saying. Daniel appeared out of nowhere, coffee in hand (was he as bad as Rodney with the coffee?) and started babbling back at him.

"Uh, OK. Rodney says he needs to get into the chair. He said he can manipulate the settings for the, uh, Ascension machine from there." Jackson blinked at them. Then took a breath and said, "And he, hm, wonders," he cleared his throat, "if maybe, er, Colonel Sheppard would," Rodney poked him with an elbow, "Fine! He doesn't want you to go with him."

John looked at Rodney's eyes, and saw something there he hadn't though he would ever see in those particular eyes. Real, and deep shame. Not embarrassment, not guilt, not any of a hundred different things he'd seen before. He knew how he looked to them, and was ashamed to be seen this way. He was ashamed to _be_ this way.

"Sure. Guys?"

"No, uh, Colonel. He wants Ronon to be there." At Teyla's questioning look, Jackson shrugged. "He didn't say anything about you either way."

John hand't taken his eyes from Rodney's. "I'm not going to think less of you, you know. I mean, hell, I had the bug thing." He whispered, suddenly understanding, "The bug thing." He hadn't wanted anyone to see him either. Sending what he hoped was an understanding smile he held out his hands. "Got it. See you later, though, right?"

"Sure, fine. Unless I'm still broken. I need the chair. Carson takes me there. Radek to the machine. Gotta fix it, it's wrong." More Ancient. He watched Rodney type furiously on his laptop. John backed from the labs, feeling kinda broken, too.


	6. Chapter 6

_Oh, wow! Thank you all so much for the reviews! I feel all bashful and giddy. :P_

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Samantha Carter watched as Rodney was led to the chair. This was an amazing thing to witness. A team of scientists were still working on Rodney's equations; Sam herself had spent hours trying to figure them out. This work was so far advanced, they'd had to ask Hermiod to look them over. She quirked a smile as she remembered the Asgard's narrowed eyes and proclamation that "Dr. McKay's work should be sufficient." High praise indeed.

Her mood sobered when she saw Rodney settled into the chair. He'd blanked out roughly two hours ago. It was disturbing to see his face so slack and lifeless when just a short time ago it had been manic and moving. Carson had insisted that he rest and eat before attempting the chair. No one quite knew what to expect when he sat in it, but Rodney had been stubborn in his insistence that he activate the chair, and then be taken to the newly adjusted Ascension machine.

She had never liked Rodney as a person, and found it strange and fascinating when she realized that the people here did. Very much. She would never in a million years have thought Rodney would become so... more. She remembered his absolute certainty that they couldn't save Teal'c, but knew from mission reports that he had, on more than one occasion, done things even she would have considered to be impossible. And crazy.

And going off-world? She'd read the reports, she'd worked with him several times. It was almost as if being here, in this new galaxy, he had been reborn. There were two Rodney McKays: the one who would sacrifice a life to prove himself right, and the one who would sacrifice his own life to save another. It was mind-boggling.

She didn't know how she hadn't seen it. In her own right, she was an excellent judge of character. She'd made decisions based on gut instinct more than once that had kept her own team alive. But she'd judged him as selfish and arrogant, petty and crude. And he was selfish, but he was the first to admit to that, as well as petty and arrogant. But the crudeness was more a symptom of his insecurities. He just truthfully didn't understand people most of the time.

Sam was pulled back to the present by the sound of Colonel Sheppard. "There is no way he's getting into the chair without me here. If something goes wrong-"

"Colonel, I'll be right here! I won't say there's nothing ta worry about, but-" Carson shrugged.

"Listen, what if he fires off a few drones by accident? I need to be here." Sheppard huffed out a breath. "I need to be here. C'mon, Doc, he won't even know I'm here. I'll stay right outside the door."

Tuning out the discussion between Sheppard and Beckett (she knew Beckett would give in anyway), Sam shifted her eyes so that she could see Daniel. He wore a frown as he pondered something he'd written on a notebook. One finger touched his nose. That usually meant he was trying to figure something out.

She hoped someone did, because from where she was sitting, only Rodney seemed to really know exactly what was going on. Everyone else had bits and pieces. She wasn't even sure why, exactly, everyone had gone along with this when they didn't understand what 'this' was. But then, she'd seen this before- sometimes the Lanteans did things they didn't think was even possible just because Rodney thought it was. It usually turned out that he was right, with the exception of Doranda.

Daniel tilted his head and started nodding. "OH!" Everyone stopped and stared at him. "Sorry, just figured out what he's trying to do. You see, the Ancient technology that requires the gene usually has that mental thing. So, he's going to use that link to recalibrate the machine. And the mental component of the technology will allow him to sort of come in the back door. Like with software. It's fascinating, really. I mean, imagine what this could mean for people who have the ATA gene and mental illnesses. We would be able to help them so much more-"

"Yes, thank you Dr. Jackson" Carson cut him off. "While that's a terribly interesting possibility that you can discuss later- with more qualified doctors, we should really focus on the here and now. So you're saying he wants ta use his gene to connect to the city to fix himself?"

"Yes, yes. As I said the mental component isn't necessarily something that is always initiated by the person. When things are accidentally activated, for example, it's more a matter of just the gene being present, without the user consciously requesting the device be turned on." Daniel paused. "The chair will provide a bridge for him to reconfigure the Ascension machine exactly as it needs to be. Then he goes in, it fixes him."

Sam shook her head. "How is he going to know what to do? What if he makes another miscalculation? He could end up... worse than he was."

"No, see that's the best part. He can use Atlantis' systems to make sure he has it right. And he still has that-" he pointed at his own head- "Ascended math thing." Daniel beamed at them.

Carson looked worried for about a minute. Then he straightened his spine and took a firmer hold on Rodney's arm. "I don't know how this will work, but Rodney's willing to bet his whole life on this. I know he doesn't want to stay this way and he'd consider death better than this." He pushed Rodney into the chair.

Instantly the room dimmed, and a virtual console appeared over their heads. Things appeared and disappeared so quickly they couldn't decipher anything. On one side of the virtual panel, equations and numbers and Ancient scrolled so quickly, they seemed to blur. Rodney still seemed to be out of it, but information was being input so quickly, they knew he was there, somehow.

When the city-wide alarms began to sound, everyone jerked into motion and confusion reigned for a moment.

"Did Rodney do that?" Carson demanded.

Sheppard stepped into the room (Sam figured he'd been waiting just outside the door to make sure everything was going smoothly) and tapped his radio. "Report! What?! Shit! Seventeen Wraith hive ships just dropped out of orbit- close."

Radek listened to his radio. "Colonel Sheppard? We may have problem."

"Yeah, I heard." Sheppard looked at the doctor. "You need to get him out of the chair, Carson."

"What's going on?"

"Apparently, they're coming here. I need the chair."

Daniel immediately reached for his work, hastily shoving his books and notes into his backpack. Sam grasped Rodney's wrist and gaped at them. "What about the shields? Won't they hold?"

"Maybe for three or four ships for a short period of time, not against seventeen!" Sheppard turned and stopped. Rodney was still working. "Uh, Carson?"

Beckett shrugged helplessly. "I don't know what yanking him out will do. Let me..." He produced a scalpel and made a precise cut on Rodney's arm. Sam couldn't help but notice that he made it directly over a scar already there. Nothing happened. "For the love of-!" Carson made another, much deeper cut.

"Carson!" Sheppard was listening to his radio. "They've started firing! I need that damn chair!"

Sam knew Sheppard was suffering. He knew this could possibly be the end of hope for Rodney. She could see it in his eyes. But he had to put the lives of everyone in the city before the life of his friend. It was a hellish choice. Sam shuddered and prayed she'd never see that look again.

_Roughly three days later..._

Sam heaved again but there wasn't anything left in her stomach. The events of the last few days had finally caught up with her. The constant stress, the lack of sleep, the really bad food choices. And Rodney. She should have known something would go wrong. They'd managed to destroy most of the hive ships, with the Daedalus taking out the rest. Three days it had taken, and by then, not even pain could bring Rodney back. He simply sat, eyes closed, humming some melody while his nose dripped blood.

In that time, systems all over the city had gone haywire, due to some kind of short in the control room. Radek was still searching for it. The injured had naturally taken precedence over Rodney, so it had been days before they'd found out they couldn't make him wake up. They'd essentially made him a vegetable.

Now, Elizabeth was considering letting Earth handle the problem- again. The arguments had been fierce, so much so that Teyla had threatened to sever her alliance with Atlantis and Ronon had declared that he may not stay.

"You OK?" Sam looked up to see Daniel standing sheepishly in the doorway. "Uh, if you want, I can wait outside?"

"No." She shook her head and sighed. "This was a total mistake."

"Not really. It would have worked, if he'd been able to finish it." Daniel looked at her steadily. "It was in no way your fault, Sam."

"I know. Really. I just- It's such a waste!" She unsteadily got to her feet. "I really never liked him before, but he was growing, changing. I almost liked him, a little."

Elizabeth Weir's voice hailed her over the PA. "Duty calls." Sam took a breath and straightened her shoulders. She was an officer in the United States Air Force. She was going to act like it. "I'll see you later."

When she got to the conference room, she was surprised by the number of people waiting. Not only the research team, Sheppard and team, Elizabeth, the doctors and Radek, but two scientists whose name she didn't know.

"I'd like to run something by you." Dr. Weir nodded at the shy looking Asian scientist. "Miko?"

"Yes, thank you, Dr. Weir." Her voice was soft, but her eyes were intense. "I had a thought that perhaps we could solve Dr. McKay's problem by resetting him, like a computer."

Blank looks all around, except for Radek who closed his eyes and listened, teeth busily gnawing on the tip of his pen. Sam tilted her head. "How do you reset a human?" Oh. OH!

It seemed everyone in the room understood it at once. They all tried to talk over each other, but Ronon's, "Shut up!" caused silence.

"I believe that by causing the body to die and then reviving him, we could force the brain to reset, like power cycling a modem." Her eyes blinked behind her glasses. "And then Dr. McKay can return to work. Not that Dr. Zelenka is not an excellent boss."

Sam wasn't sure which to goggle over: that Miko had a crush on McKay (still had one after two years) or that she had come up with such a simple and overlooked idea. As far as the idea went, it was really a last ditch effort to reverse Rodney's condition. Whether it would work or not was another question.

A lone voice cut over the excited murmurs. "It's a stupid idea."

The room went quiet. "Ronon?"

"Put him back in the chair." Ronon stared at Dr. Weir and Dr. Zelenka intently. "Let him finish."

"We have no way of asking him if this... setback is a large or small problem. We can't get him to wake up, we can't get any response at all. There's no telling what kind of damage could be done to the city, the people, Rodney himself." Elizabeth kept her voice level, but her eyes showed all her own grief. "I don't think there is anything more we can do. And I'm not willing to kill him and bring him back on the off chance that his mind might... mend. He could die permanently, and then we'd never have the chance to heal him."

"McKay knows what he's doing." Ronon's whole demeanor became dark. "He doesn't always need pain to react. Try Atlantis. Let the city help."

"What do you mean?" Carson asked eagerly. Sam thought that if she wasn't aware that he had been one of Rodney's closest friends, he would have seemed creepy in his eagerness. "What's your idea?"

Ronon suddenly looked unsure, and sent a glance towards Teyla. At her nod, he began, "When you brought him into the city, and it... welcomed him, he knew it. He felt it. Let it help him. Trust him."

Teyla added, "I witnessed this as well. Rodney responded to the city's welcome. I think that if you allowed him to use the chair again, he could complete his task."

Sam didn't want to admit it, but she was touched by the loyalty the Pegasus natives seemed to feel for Rodney. It wasn't something she had ever expected anyone to feel for him, but she thought again that he had shown himself to be so much more than he had been on Earth. Almost like Earth had hobbled him, had kept him back. And thinking back on it, she thought they might be right. She found herself agreeing, "There is a reason he keeps humming."

"Well, music does have an effect on the brain..." Carson said doubtfully.

"Wait!" All eyes slewed to Sheppard, who had been silent and wore a brooding look. "That piece he's humming? I think it's the same one Atlantis was simulating when he landed."

"What does that mean? It simply means that somehow he remembers arriving on Atlantis. That's all. It's not enough." Elizabeth carefully clasped her hands on the table in front of her. "We don't have any real proof that putting Rodney back into the chair is going to do any good."

"We can't say it would do more harm, either." Carson pointed out with a questioning look at Zelenka.

Radek shook his fingers. "He is aware on some level of Atlantis. And Atlantis is aware of Rodney. Perhaps it is because of his partially Ascended state? His link to city may be stronger, yes?"

Daniel shook his head. "I don't think so." He turned to John. "When you used the chair, did everything seem normal to you?"

Sheppard thought for a minute before shrugging. "With everything going on, I wasn't paying attention."

"Perhaps Atlantis and Rodney are maintaining a.. hm, shallow connection?" Miko's small voice broke in. "When he was pulled from the chair, it's possible that Rodney kept his mind attuned to the city?"

Sam stared at her. "Is there any way to test that?"

"Put him back in the chair." Ronon folded his arms across his chest.

Elizabeth met his gaze steadily. "I will speak with the appropriate people and put forth both solutions. In the meantime, we have some damage to repair."

They all nodded, only Sam noticing that the expedition leader's eyes and tone had indicated what she thought Earth would decide.


	7. Chapter 7

_Wow! Thank you so very much for the reviews. I'm glad you like it so far. One more chapter to go._

_Slip of the hand, I actually grew to like Elizabeth by the end of season one. But I vaguely explain things with her lack of action in the rest of the story._

* * *

The following morning saw the sun shining over Atlantis (wasn't it usually?) and the breeze flowed through open windows all over the city. It still sometimes felt confining to Ronon, though, who still hadn't gotten used to being indoors so much.

He studied all the people gathered for the morning briefing, wondering what was going through their minds. The new people were even stranger than the Lanteans. He wondered which group was more usual for Earth. Either way, he sometimes didn't understand them. They made things complicated. They over-thought things. Ronon studied them all, and made simple observations.

Colonel Carter seemed to at once like and dislike Rodney. His own theory was that even though she wanted to like him, he made her feel threatened in some way. Remembering how Rodney talked about her, he wondered if the 'threat' was simply that he hadn't treated her as a genderless soldier, but as an attractive woman. Or it could be that she was used to being the smartest person in their Stargate program, and was afraid Rodney would take that title away. He would bet on the first, though, since she didn't seem personally too worried about getting credit.

Daniel Jackson was one of the strangest Earth people he'd met so far. Alternating between extreme silence and nonstop chatter, he communicated subtly with everyone, even if they didn't notice. He also seemed on the one hand as amazed as a child while observing Atlantis, yet rather cynical in regards to the use of the information that excited him so much. All in all, Ronon decided that Daniel Jackson was one of the more dangerous of the Earth people.

Doctor Lam wasn't even real to him. She'd arrived and spent most of the time holed up in the infirmary. From what he'd heard, she'd given Keller a hard time, too. Apparently, she didn't think their medical department measured up to the strict standards that the SGC had. Ronon's opinion? More people lived than died, so the infirmary was doing a good job.

His new family was even showing him things he hadn't before seen from them. Sheppard was a surprise. He had realized before how deeply the man cared for people and how seriously he took his duty to protect them. What Ronon hadn't known was how vulnerable the colonel was. Watching him, seeing the war between hope and despair in his eyes when he looked at Rodney, was revealing. Not only did he feel as if he'd lost a friend (family member), he felt that he should have been able to prevent it from happening. He knew it was true because he could see the guilt in his CO's eyes.

Radek Zelenka was decent enough. He didn't treat Ronon like an animal the way some of the other scientists and soldiers did (mostly the newer arrivals- they took one look at his hair and leather clothes and thought he was some kind of primitive life form). Radek, of course, had been afraid of him a bit, but that had worn off pretty quickly. Now, he was just as likely to rattle off something in his native language that Ronon thought were insults as he was to say, "Hello."

Of all of them, though, he was most confused by Elizabeth Weir. She hadn't acted with the kind of strength he'd expected. Yeah, he knew she was a diplomat- which to him was just another politician. But he'd seen that she was a sympathetic leader, capable of kindness and fairness. On this issue, though, he was disturbed. He wondered if the pressure from Earth was making her extra cautious, or if she really just didn't know how to handle this. Maybe she truly did feel Earth was the best place for McKay?

"So, shall we begin?" Elizabeth's voice was deliberate and steady. That was usually a bad sign. "I have spoken with both the IOA and the SGC and they want to try Miko's idea. If it doesn't work, they will not allow him t access the chair. They're worried that the Ancient systems might suffer damage by being operated by a 'damaged mind'. So, we will do this as the IOA and the SGC want."

"You do realize this is probably a terrible idea?" Dr. Beckett exclaimed. "I mean, we could kill him and not be able ta bring him back, he could suffer physical brain damage. I think the chair would be a better way to go."

"Yeah, I have to go with Carson on this one. I don't think Atlantis is gonna let him get hurt." Sheppard twisted his lips. "And we can monitor him the whole time."

"I have already gotten the orders from Earth, John. I can't just do whatever I want- or what you want." She shook her head and turned to Carson. "What do you need to do this?"

The physician snorted. "Ta kill him? Or to revive him?"

"Carson..."

"Fine. I'll have to consult the other doctors, but I'll have ye a list on your desk by 1700."

"Colonel Carter? The SGC wants you to on board the Daedalus to do some programming work since this will be a medical procedure, rather than a scientific one." When Carter, Beckett and Radek had all left, Elizabeth turned her eyes towards Ronon and Teyla. She licked her lips. "I understand that none of you"-her eyes swept over Sheppard- "agree with the IOA on this. I'm sorry for that, but we can't go against them this time."

"Done it before." Ronon felt the need to point this out.

"Not when it's something that might damage Atlantis. I've been reminded- strongly urged to make that my priority." She leaned forward earnestly. "I really, really wanted this to work for Rodney, but I don't hold out much hope. I think we need to prepare for the idea that Rodney may never come back to us."

"I do not see that Rodney should return to Earth, no matter the results of this," Teyla paused, "procedure. I am still willing to keep him among my people. Perhaps, after Dr. Beckett has tried everything, if things do not go well, I could ask Jeannie myself?"

Ronon narrowed his eyes. This was another sore issue with him. He didn't feel it was right to just send the man away, either. He knew Teyla would take better care of McKay than a paid nurse, but he also knew (from experience) that Dr. Weir wouldn't give in so easily. Even if she wanted to, her bosses thought the physicist was too valuable to leave in another galaxy. He could understand it on one hand, but on the other, he knew if this thing they were going to try didn't work, Rodney wouldn't be spilling any secrets- to anyone. He was ready to tune out most of the discussion, figuring it would be the same thing as always. He was surprised.

"Actually, Carson had the foresight to include that in his conversation with Jeannie. The IOA and SGC agreed to it- reluctantly, I might add, providing he returns to Earth at least once a year."

Teyla's mouth opened once and closed then stretched into a wide smile. "That is wonderful news. I shall tell my people. They will ready a place for him, in case the need arises."

"Still think we should do things McKay's way." Ronon folded his arms and leaned back in his chair. "When he's awake, he's still pretty smart."

"Well, we have to try this way first." Elizabeth placed her hands on the table and rose. That meant the meeting was over.

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Carson was worried. Miko's idea had some merit if one didn't take into account that Rodney had a different plan. Even Miko had come by and told him that upon further reflection, she didn't believe her plan would work. After all, Ancient technology had done this, it made sense that Ancient technology would fix it. But the SGC and the IOA believed their own scientists- who were nearly clueless, in his opinion- that letting Rodney access the chair again was a risk to Atlantis' security. Bloody idiots.

He finished his report, making sure his own misgivings were clearly noted. He'd asked Dr. Keller to supervise; Carson didn't think he was capable of killing his friend when he didn't think this was going to work. Doctor Lam would observe. He rubbed his eyes. That woman was sticking to her role as an observer. He wondered what she'd actually write in her report when she returned to Earth.

Sighing, he slipped the papers into a folder, and set out to hand deliver it to Elizabeth. Then perhaps he would find Teyla and Ronon. He hadn't been able to spend much time with either of them.

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Sam Carter was disappointed that it hadn't worked, and that she'd been sent back to the Daedalus. She had nothing against Caldwell, personally, but it grated to lose much of the autonomy she had enjoyed in the mountain. Of course, she'd also been removed from Atlantis, she thought, as a warning. The IOA didn't want her to think of herself as overly important. The IOA and the Air Force were in some kind of battle. A stupid power play. Everyone with any kind of importance was walking a fine line.

She settled her chin in her hand and stared out the window at space. Rodney's plan would have worked. She didn't know if it still would, but she'd bet Rodney would know. If they could get him back to answer them. She sighed and checked her diagnostics. McKay might get on her last nerve, but she could admit now that she did almost kind of like him. She wished she could have told him that. Hoped he knew how loved he was by his family on Atlantis. She wondered if he still knew he was home.

She felt especially bad for Doctor Weir. The poor woman was under all kinds of pressure from the IOA and the US government. They were questioning her decisions (again), trying to find a reason to replace Colonel Sheppard (when would they leave the man alone?) and basically trying to assert more control over the city and its inhabitants. Sam wondered if Jack had ever had this kind of political backstabbing when he ran the SGC. She decided he hadn't, at least not like this. This was a multinational venture with politicians from all over the world trying to be backseat drivers. What a mess.

Carter sighed again as a wave of sadness washed over her. There was nothing more she could do here. This could be added to her growing list of failures. Damn Wraith.

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Radek shuffled to his quarters. He felt the weight of his position today more heavily than usual. He sometimes wished he'd turned down Elizabeth's offer those two years ago. No wonder Rodney had been so tense and panicky. He found himself more often than not picturing the horrible consequences of the minions' collective stupidity. He didn't think for a minute that he had done the job quite as well as the Canadian. He had been adequate, not brilliant. Rubbing his glasses on his lab coat, he swallowed past the lump in his throat.

He had seen the equations, though he was still trying to understand all of it. He knew Rodney's idea would have worked. He still thought it might. Radek tightened his lips. Again, the IOA believed they knew better than the Lanteans- who lived this life. The people on Earth, yes, they had Goa'uld, they had Ori, and Replicators. But they didn't really understand what it was like living with this Ancient technology where there were no user's manuals.

He knew it was a lasting thing from his childhood, this distrust he had for government. But he still felt the eyes watching, waiting for a reason to punish them. Dr. Weir had eased that feeling somewhat, but he knew it would always be there. They were constantly at the whim of what felt like a distant ruler, one who did things for the good of those he could see, not for the good of all those he could not. This situation with Rodney was a prime example. Yes, there might be some risk to the Ancient systems. And it was a small one. But Radek didn't think anyone in the city would not say it was a risk worth the possible rewards.

He didn't want this job anymore. And if he was completely truthful, he missed Rodney. This hope they'd felt these last few weeks had hurt them as deeply as the loss of hope had cut two years ago.

0000000000000000

The city was full of wondrous things for Daniel. He was able to search the databases and explore the city much more than he'd hoped. It was amazing that something that seemed so fragile and graceful had survived countless attacks and ten thousand years under the sea. He wished, of course, that he had this free time because McKay was back to himself, but that didn't stop him from feeling a bubbling excitement. It was something he'd missed. Back on Earth, he didn't have much time to just study things anymore.

He was staring intently at a display when he became aware of someone in the room with him. He turned. Colonel Sheppard. He looked, to Daniel, as uncomfortable as he could. Reminded him of Jack, hovering in his office door when he wanted to talk about something important. He could see why the man was such a successful leader here on Atlantis. He was both caring and able to push that aside to ensure the good of the city.

"Hey. Do you need something?" Daniel's eyebrows lifted in query. Sheppard leaned against the door frame and crossed his arms.

"You, ah, did the Ascended thing, right?" The Colonel looked everywhere but at Daniel.

"Ye-ah." Daniel drew it out to prepare the other man for disappointment. "I don't remember much. And I don't think this is the same, even if I did."

When the other man just nodded, making Daniel feel like he was a harbinger of death- geesh he hated this kind of thing- Daniel added, "Remember, I didn't have a body. I just had to choose to come back. I don't think Rodney can do that." He winced. Wow, you'd think after years of crazy, he'd have gotten better at Bad News. "I mean, I don't think there's no hope, just that it's...a... small one." He trailed off.

"That's what everyone says." Sheppard seemed just as deflated as he had when he came in. "I guess I was hoping for more. Anyway, I was just checking to see if you'd found any more in the database about that machine?"

"No. Sorry."

"OK." He turned and paused, saying over his shoulder, "Thanks for trying."

Daniel stared at the empty door. Wow, that was one deeply wounded man. He shook his head. Of course he was. This city was filled with wounded hearts. He blew out a breath. Setting back to work, he wasn't aware of the time, but eventually he found a small detail about the Ascension machine hidden in a file (he could understand the frustration with the Ancients' method of not indexing) describing the lifespan of birds on an uninhabited planet. He decided Doctor Zelenka would be the best person to take this to. Not that he thought anything would come of it, but you never really knew.

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Teyla stared out over the sea. A slight crease between her brows showed that her thoughts were anything but peaceful. Ronon hated to see her so disturbed. He respected her, understood her in a way he didn't think the people from Earth could. And she understood him, too. She faced him. "Ronon."

"You alright?"

"No."

"You talk to Halling?"

"Yes. If Rodney must go to the mainland, I will take him there." Teyla turned to him. "Unless you would like to claim the right to care for him?"

Ronon thought about it. Then shrugged. "I'm willing. Just let me know. Better to keep him close, though." He knew it was the truth. For now, Rodney would be better off on the mainland, close to all of them and Atlantis. You never knew. "Maybe this will work."

"I do not believe so. Both Dr. Zelenka and Dr. Beckett think that 're-setting' Rodney is going to fail. I do not understand why the IOA believes that Rodney would do something to harm Atlantis." Her jaw firmed. The idea of Rodney ever harming something he loved so much was ridiculous. "He is there somewhere, and we all know how he loves the city."

"Yeah. Kinda weird." Ronon leaned on the railing. "You think they'll let us try it McKay's way if we keep asking?"

"Truthfully? I do not believe they will ever allow him to try again." Teyla had thought about this. "And this idea is not going to work. I think if it were this simple, Rodney would have suggested it in the first place." They remained silent for a few moments.

Then, "Wanna do something?" Ronon gave her a wicked grin, but his eyes, they held a terrible seriousness. The former runner watched her carefully.

Teyla waited a beat. "Yes. I do."


	8. Chapter 8

John jerked awake. What the?! He was aware of something in the city. Something like the vibrations of too-loud music. Made it feel as if he needed to pop his ears. He grabbed his radio and tapped it. "What's going on?"

"Sir, we're locked out of all systems! Dr. Zelenka is working on it right now." Chuck's voice was just a little off, a bit too high and wobbly.

"Who locked the system?" To his knowledge, only he, Elizabeth and Radek had the codes needed to lock down everything. And any one of them should be able to unlock it.

"Uh, hm. R-ow! -odney- Dr. McKay did it. Maybe you should come to the control room?" Chuck seemed off his game today, John thought wildly.

"Sheppard? Don't go there, come to the chair room."

"Ronon? What the hell is going on?" John slipped his feet into his boots. He had a feeling he knew exactly what was going on.

"I'll tell you when you get here."

John ran the whole way, ignoring the way people's faces froze into fear as he passed them. Yeah, he knew usually seeing him run this way indicated imminent death or disaster, but he didn't have time to stop and explain. He burst into the chair room to see Rodney in the chair, holographic console in the air above him. The air itself seemed saturated by Atlantis. He swore. "Damn it, Ronon! What the hell are you thinking?"

"IOA wouldn't let McKay do it his own way. We thought he should."

"We? Who else?" John followed Ronon's gaze to see Teyla standing at one of the consoles. "Do you know how much trouble you're gonna be in?"

"I think not. By your own rules, as leader of my own people, I have a diplomatic position on Atlantis." Teyla's voice was cool. "I would simply take my people and go."

John knew what that would mean. Many of their trade partners would not look kindly on them if they seemed to be unfriendly towards the Athosians. So Teyla, yeah, she'd be safe with that kind of influence. But Ronon? "And you?"

The Satedan shrugged. "I can go anywhere."

"Who else?" John knew there were others. Ronon and Teyla couldn't have broken Rodney out of his room without some kind of alarm sounded. And how'd they get around security? Lorne? What about those codes? Radek, maybe? And where the hell was Elizbeth? His mind raced, names of possible accomplices swirling through his brain.

Teyla raised her brows. "I am sure you will find no evidence that anyone from Earth helped us, Colonel." Okay, so she wasn't telling. He looked at Ronon, who just stared. Wow. He felt minutely jealous that the Pegasus natives were born with poker face genes.

John looked at Rodney, finally, finally getting the nerve. His face was still pale and lifeless looking, but obviously he was doing something. His face was covered in a sheen of sweat and seemed to be breathing shallowly, but too fast. He tried to call Weir, but She didn't answer. He heard that bizarre vibrating noise again, louder this time. He wanted to raise his hands to cover his ears, but knew it wouldn't do any good.

Suddenly, everything went silent. The holographic console disappeared. Ronon and Teyla moved to Rodney's side. Each took an arm and lifted him from the chair. He followed, docile- and humming. They paused in front of John. He looked at each of their faces, lingering on Rodney's. He wished desperately that there was someone there to tell him what to do. He hated being in charge sometimes.

"Let us go, John." Teyla's voice held a brittle note. "Please. Allow us to do this."

Ronon tilted his head and lifted an eyebrow. "I could knock you out. Nobody'd blame you, then."

He found himself nodding and stepping aside, unable to deny Teyla when she used that voice, when she had that nearly broken look in her eyes. He didn't need Ronon to make it easier for him, either.He waited a minute after they left. His mind raced through what this might mean. If this totally crazy thing they were doing- and who'd have thought it'd be them doing this?- didn't work, he'd have no team left. None. He'd be alone. If it did work, he might get them all back. It was a terrifying hope.

He knew where they were going, and slowly made his way there. John could hear the strains of music again, something light and gentle. Almost like a lullaby. Just as he entered the room, a rope of light spiraled around Rodney. He swallowed, feeling fear and hope. His heart pounded when Rodney arched and let out a scream that made John want to cry. He watched as the scientist crumpled to the floor, motionless. John stared in horror, thinking that they'd killed him. The room settled into silence.

"Oh, thank God! If I had to live like that for much longer, I'd have really been too far gone to come back." Rodney's voice, though breathy, carried through the hushed room. John stood frozen as Ronon lifted him and grabbed the man in a tight hug. Rodney stood, awkward and tired looking.

"Glad you made it, buddy." Ronon slapped his back so hard Rodney stumbled forward.

Teyla was there, too. John watched as she began to pull Rodney's forehead to hers, then suddenly wrapped her arms around him. "I am so happy to see you."

Rodney looked uncomfortable, but clumsily wrapped her in his arms. His eyes met John's over her shoulder. He swallowed past the lump in his throat. He couldn't believe McKay had pulled another miracle from nowhere. He gave John a shy nod and a happy smile. John allowed his feelings to show in his face just long enough for Rodney to see it. When he pulled his 'Colonel Sheppard' mask back on, Rodney pulled his eyes away.

"Hey, where is everyone?" Rodney looked around. "Weren't Radek and Carson supposed to be in here monitoring?"

"They wanted to kill you." John winced at Ronon's bluntness.

"What, like euthanasia? Are you kidding me? I wasn't that bad, was I?" Rodney's voice got louder with each word before dropping on the last. John could see the panic rise in his eyes.

"No! Like kill you and bring you back. They said it was like power cycling a modem. You know, so you'd renew your connection?" He didn't know if he'd explained it right, but that was all John could remember of the explanation.

"Elizabeth agreed to that? And Carson? That's the worst idea I've ever heard. That would have just severed my consciousness permanently." Rodney moved away from Teyla. "What idiot came up with that?"

John shrugged. It had worked. Rodney was back, acting just like, well, Rodney. Did anything else really matter right now, in this minute? "Actually, it was the IOA. Well, anyway, we should take you up to the infirmary. Oh, and maybe you could unlock Atlantis, too?"

"Hm. Just wait a minute." Rodney closed his eyes. "I think everything is pretty much normal. I don't have the Ancient stuff, but I'm still smart, still feel like me. And, best of all, I'm here!" He smiled widely, then narrowed his eyes. "Where is Radek, exactly?"

"Trying to get access to the city." Ronon answered. "No one knew you were going to shut them out."

"We did not precisely have approval to do this." Teyla smiled. "But it has all turned out for the best."

"Wait- what? I didn't lock the city down! What if something happened? I mean, I'm glad I'm here, and I would've done- but, really, I wouldn't risk anyone or the city for it." Eyes so very blue looked at them. John wondered again who had helped his team, because it wasn't him.

Shrugging, Rodney started a new rant. "You mean they weren't going to try it my way _at all_? Oh, what imbeciles! And their idea was to kill me? I think I'd have a better grasp of what would fix me than they would. Didn't they understand what I was telling them? I though Carter at least would have gotten it. Maybe she's not as smart as she seems." His voice grew soft. "And you went against them all to help me?"

"Of course, Rodney." Teyla's voice was equally as soft. "You are our friend, and we have faith in you. As you have always been fond of telling us, you are the smartest man in two galaxies."

"Not to mention the fact that I was, at the time, even more brilliant than ever." Rodney grinned. "So no one knows I'm me, right? That it worked? Just you guys, right?"

"Yeah." John saw a sparkle enter his eyes. Reminded him of when he had that personal shield. His lips twitched. Damn, it was good to see the Canadian.

"Good, good. There's something I want to do." He rubbed his hands together in glee.

Teyla and John each held an arm as they led Rodney into the infirmary. Ronon trailed behind, trying to look worried. He didn't, but he did look crazy. It almost made John crack up. This was so surreal.

"Dr. Beckett? Perhaps you would check Rodney over? He seems to be unwell." Teyla managed to say it with an air of concern. Damn, he had to learn to do that.

"Of course! What seems ta be the problem?" Carson reached out to take Rodney's arm. Just before he made contact, Rodney yelled, "BOO!"

Carson wobbled backwards, mouth wide open, eyes practically popping out of his head. He yelled a string of heavily accented profanities as his arms wind-milled. John couldn't hold back his laughter as Carson stumbled back into a gurney. The Scot stared in open-mouthed shock as Rodney began to giggle.

"Hey, I'm me again!" He giggled again and waved. "Carson! It worked!"

"What? How the bloody hell?" John took pity on Carson and dragged a chair over. "I...You...?"

"Teyla and Ronon let me use the chair, and," Rodney wiggled his fingers for emphasis, "here I am! It's it wonderful? And look- not dead! I cannot believe they were going to do something so asinine. I mean, killing me and trying to bring me back? It might work on Sheppard here, but I'm not so lucky as he is."

"I..." Carson was still beyond words, but his wide smile said everything he needed it to. "I'm glad."

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By the time they'd alerted everyone who needed to know (using the 'Boo' trick on Elizabeth and Radek- both were equally hilarious and Rodney had insisted on routing the security feeds to a laptop for blackmail purposes later), everyone knew he was back and he been looked over by Carson to a rather large audience. Seems everyone had a minor injury today. John had hovered, not really saying much (not knowing what to say, really).

Elizabeth had acted angry that Ronon and Teyla had gone against orders, but her eyes belied her words. Sheppard thought he needed to ask her about that later- and why she didn't answer her radio, why certain people had been on duty, or why a security detail never showed up. He stared at her. Yeah, he needed to talk to her.

In the end, all had decided that the IOA couldn't really punish the two. Weir did mention, however, that someone would need to determine if Rodney had any valuable information. Rodney had looked confused, then admitted that all he remembered were his nightmares. Oh, and he did remember music. Other than that, his last clear memory, he said, was dying. Surprisingly, Elizabeth didn't push the issue at all. Yep, John had some questions for her.

Finally, John and Rodney were sitting alone in Rodney's room. John couldn't decide whether to say anything or not, but found his mouth opening. "I didn't have anything to do with putting you in the chair."

Rodney looked at him and rolled his eyes. "I know that. You looked like a fish with your mouth opening and closing like that. It was ridiculous."

"I looked like a- what?" John felt a warmth in his chest. This was what had been missing for too long. "I'm not the one who was a drooling idiot."

Rodney snorted. "Please. I was never an idiot. I was perfectly aware of what was going on. Well, most of the time. At least until I was in the chair the first time. Then everything gets a bit blurry."

John was hesitant to ask any questions. They had scheduled a briefing for later the next day, but still. Rodney might have looked totally innocent when questioned by Elizabeth, but John knew him too well to believe him. Amazingly, everyone else seemed to buy his story- or at least acted like they did. Sometimes John wondered about the residents of this city.

"Go ahead. I know you're just aching to ask."

"OK," John said, and waited.

"Fine. Yes, I knew what was happening. Except when my body was sleeping, that is. I really remember the nightmares." Rodney sighed. "It's getting fuzzy, like a dream I had a long time ago, though. But I knew everything that was happening back on Earth. Well, actually, I knew what was happening everywhere I'd ever been."

"Even here?" John was surprised. "How is that possible?"

"I was kind of partially ascended." Rodney waved his hand. "I had a connection to my body, but it was tenuous. I mean, I just knew what was going on without thinking about it- and seriously? I can't believe you almost died three times while I was gone! Is it really so hard to, oh, say, DUCK?"

"Hey! I didn't do it on purpose." John felt a spurt of irritation, then relaxed and grinned. He looked over to see Rodney's crooked smile.

"Yeah, well, I also had the horror of knowing all kinds of personal, intimate details of all my friends' lives, so now I have to try to wipe all that from my mind. Do you know how diappointing it is, for example, to find that Carter is way more boring than she seems? Or that Major Lorne has a fairly kinky sex life? And speaking of, I always figured you had more sex, but-"

John cut Rodney off. "Whoa! Let's not tell me what you know." John knew his face was red since he could feel the heat.

"Don't worry. I think I have bigger issues to deal with." Eyes crinkling, he added, "But, hello? I bet I can get as much coffee as I can drink, just for the things I saw. Imagine the blackmail booty."

"Well, wouldn't that be like, I don't know, abusing your superpower, or something?" John felt his mouth curl in a smile.

"Hmm. Maybe. But there's also the sympathy factor, you know. I could get some real mileage out of this. Especially from the nurses." Rodney turned serious. "Don't tell anyone what I know, OK? I have no desire to spend the next fifteen years holed up under a mountain while people try to pick my memories. If it seems important, I'll tell Elizabeth." Rodney held his eyes.

"Deal. Hey, wanna watch a movie? We can have Teyla and Ronon come over, too."

"Uh, yes? But you don't get to pick the movie. I should get to pick. I haven't watched a movie in two years! And you always choose one of those really bad movies with lots of explosions. Do you know the odds of a car exploding instantaneously upon impact? And if you even try to make me watch something about time traveling teens..."

John let the words melt into background noise. Teyla and Ronon joined them, and he felt a final release of tension. This was finally it. They were all home. Atlantis hummed in agreement.

* * *

_Yay! All done! I wanted to tell a story without Rodney's POV at all, and this is what I got. _

_I really appreciate the reviews! Thanks so much!_

_Angw, you were totally right... but I made sure Elizabeth, while not obviously helping- actually seeming to hinder, allowed what needed to happen, happen. Notice she never really said that she thinks Miko's idea is right. She just says that Earth wants things this way or that... or that she's under pressure to put the city first. Hinting at it. And as to who else helped? Ah, pick your own accomplices.  
_


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